Sunday, January 24, 2010

Peeing in Public

So Friday, during Armageddon Week, I decided to venture out and run some errands while the rain was merely spitting on us Angelenos. BIG mistake. As I was driving down Ocean Blvd in Santa Monica, there were some major flood areas I had to circumnavigate…and as I was in the midst of some clever maneuvering…the deluge began. It rained so hard and fast I couldn’t see a few feet in front of me. It was like a white out in the snow for a few minutes…scary stuff.

Heart racing, I drove very slowly and very carefully, singing to Lia the entire time to calm myself, and we arrived safely at our destination. “We made it sweetie!” I called out to the back seat. But when I turned around to look at her, she was sleeping. And I had to PEE!

Then, it started to HAIL.

I wanted to cry. Instead I texted a few people trying to take my mind off of the urge to jump out of the car and drop my drawers right there in the parking lot. Instead, I looked around the car and spotted a water bottle with a pretty big opening. I was waiting for the right time to climb into the back seat and use the receptacle as a toilet. My mind was racing trying to figure this all out…all the while my baby was sleeping peacefully, which was rare this past week with her cold and I couldn’t stand the thought of waking her. At one point, I even considered digging out one of her diapers and using it! I was in PAIN. I felt as bloated as this hippo I saw yesterday at the Los Angeles Zoo…(yes Lia’s first trip to the zoo!)

Suddenly, right on cue, the heavens stopped weeping. So I did what every mom has guiltily done at some point in her mommy career. I woke up my sleeping, sick child, threw my jacket over her head and ran into the store, desperate for a bathroom.

But my plight didn’t stop here…

I was there to get the alarm tag removed from an article of clothing that they left on when we purchased the item. So as soon as I rushed in the door, with a heavy toddler draped over my shoulder, looking crazed and foaming at the mouth, the salesperson stopped me and said politely but firmly, “Can I help you?”


I had to wait in line and deal with the stupid tag! All the while I could feel my urine floating up to my neck and holding a (now) very heavy child who was half asleep. When it was finally my turn, I fumbled with about 60 receipts and couldn’t find the damn thing! I cursed at her father blaming him for every problem in my life. He wasn’t there to defend himself so why not? I was frantic. Doing a little two-step at the counter, I tried in earnest to make it look like I was soothing my child, who at this point was snoring – no soothing required. FINALLY, the sales clerk became very annoyed with me and said, “Don’t worry about it,” promptly removing the tag just to get rid of me. Thank God. As soon as she was finished, I asked her in my calmest tone with an undercurrent of anxiety (you know what I mean), “Where’s the bathroom?” As if I didn’t urgently need to relieve myself. HA. Why I cared what they thought, I have no idea. I should have just said, “If you don’t let me go to the bathroom right now, I’m going to pee all over this floor.”

So, I raced up the stairs not bothering to look for the escalator and ran around the entire 2nd floor before I found the toilet. All this, mind you, while carrying a heavy diaper bag and a 25 pound sleeping child. I had to wake her up when I finally got there and boy did she let me have it! But she forgave me (she always does) and we ended up having a lovely day together.

Lesson learned. A sick toddler, hurricane conditions and overloading on liquids before leaving the house are not a good combination.

I’ll think twice now before having that second vat of tea before I take her anywhere. And I DID learn my lesson!

Here’s another photo of her falling asleep in the car on the way to the zoo yesterday –I drove all the way up to Silver Lake and was able to sit in the car once I arrived and wait for her to wake up.

Very proud of myself. :) Look how cute she is with her twisted little hat.

We’re flying next week very early in the morning…I plan to stop my intake of liquids well before I go to bed the night before. I know it’s not recommended to get dehydrated while traveling by plane, but my need to avoid that fiasco again trumps any sense of healthy habits.

Ciao for now.


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