Thursday, January 28, 2010

List of Grievances

Lia left a note for me today. I found it in her crib when I put her down for the night…

Dear Mother,

In the future, when making travel plans please don’t book our flight so early that it requires you to wake me before the sun rises. But if you fail to honor this request, do not expect me to maintain my sunny disposition for the rest of the day. Consider yourself warned.

And when you decide to keep me restrained in a stroller at LAX for two hours waiting to board the plane, don’t be surprised if I decide to jump around the aircraft shrieking like a spider monkey when you finally set me free. It also wouldn’t be wise to feed me lunch during air turbulence…I’m no expert here, but that just might be the reason I threw up all over the crib, then all over YOU last night before I finally collapsed into bed…at 1am.

And finally, I understand you grew up in the Midwest and love the snow, but I’m a California girl. Please do not force me to wear this god-awful getup ever again…I look like the Michelin Man. It is very unflattering.

Even when I turn to the side to make myself look thinner…

Nor do I appreciate 15 degree winds whipping in my face.

I apologize for losing my composure when you attempted to give me a bath earlier. But that was truly the last straw. You threw me into the biggest vat of water I’d ever seen, and there were white foamy things floating in my bath water! What were you thinking?! Who told you it would be a good idea to introduce me to a big person tub AND bubble bath at the same time in a strange environment after I’d been traumatized by a day of air travel? Tsk Tsk Mother…I’m growing weary of your lack of good judgment here.

Just remember… when I’m jet-lagged, you WILL suffer the consequences…



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